O Christmas Tree

My older brother and I were raised by a single mom, and finances were less than abundant. Mom still managed to buy us whatever we wanted for Christmas, but doing so usually made us broke, which usually made her depressed. By the time the actual holiday rolled around, she was pretty negative about it. Looking back, I wish I had understood this and explained that her happiness was way more important than my having a new TV (and VCR combo, as it were) for my bedroom, or my own phone line.

However, Bubby and I got excited about it and usually bonded quite a bit. We listened to Christmas music and made ornaments together. We would always put up the tree and other decorations. We watched Christmas movies and even managed to talk Mom into watching "A Christmas Story" with us from time to time. Sometimes we talked her into letting us stay up and open gifts at midnight on Christmas Eve night. We always tried our hardest to cheer her up. Christmas morning (or midnight) was always so great. I was always sleepy and there was nothing better than crawling back into my warm bed after opening gifts and watching whatever movie I had just opened. Christmas dinner always came that evening, including my mother's amazing mashed potatoes (which I regretfully never asked her to teach me the recipe to).

While we were building our house, there was a year in which the three of us lived with my grandparents. I think I was in second or third grade. My grandparents didn't celebrate the holiday, so Mom and I had a miniature Christmas tree in the room we shared.

After my mom died in 2004, the Christmas season has been absolutely miserable for me. Having that awesome tradition yanked out from under me was just another way to make me sadder about losing her. Most years I had to work on Christmas Day, so I always found someone to get drunk with. I haven't had money to buy gifts for years. Like my mom, I did it anyway and just ended up broke and depressed. I knew that I would have a hard time with Christmas until I had a family of my own to start new traditions with, and I was right. I'm excited about Christmas again, and have been listening to Christmas music for months! I love my husband and little baby girl so much, and it makes me so happy to see three stockings hanging over the fireplace. Our Christmas tree is pretty badass too.