You say you want a Resolution...

New Year's Resolutions for 2013

1.) Read a chapter a day
2.) Start career
3.) Eat healthier
4.) Drink only on special occasions
5.) Get to pre-pregnancy size
6.) Learn to cook new things
7.) Cherish Matthew
8.) Cherish every Harper moment
9.) Watch AFI movies
10.) Be nicer
11.) Stay positive
12.) Keep up with dentist
13.) Pay off medical bills
14.) Call Granny every other day
15.) Get crafty!

Paperweight

Paperweight by Joshua Radin featuring Schuyler Fisk

Been up all night, staring at you
wondering what's on your mind
I've been this way with so many before,
but this feels like the first time

You want the sunrise to go back to bed
 I want to make you laugh
Mess up my bed with me
kick off the covers, I'm waiting

Every word you say,
I think I should write down...
Don't want to forget come daylight

Happy to lay here,
just happy to be here
I'm happy to know you
Play me a song, your newest one
please leave your taste on my tongue

Paperweight on my back
cover me like a blanket
Mess up my bed with me
Kick off the covers, I'm waiting

Every word you say,
I think I should write down
Don't want to forget come daylight
And no need to worry, that's wasting time
And no need to wonder what's been on my mind
it's you
it's you
it's you

Every word you say,
I think I should write down
Don't want to forget come daylight
And i give up... I let you win
you win, cause I'm not counting

You made it back to sleep again
wonder what you're dreaming...

O Christmas Tree

My older brother and I were raised by a single mom, and finances were less than abundant. Mom still managed to buy us whatever we wanted for Christmas, but doing so usually made us broke, which usually made her depressed. By the time the actual holiday rolled around, she was pretty negative about it. Looking back, I wish I had understood this and explained that her happiness was way more important than my having a new TV (and VCR combo, as it were) for my bedroom, or my own phone line.

However, Bubby and I got excited about it and usually bonded quite a bit. We listened to Christmas music and made ornaments together. We would always put up the tree and other decorations. We watched Christmas movies and even managed to talk Mom into watching "A Christmas Story" with us from time to time. Sometimes we talked her into letting us stay up and open gifts at midnight on Christmas Eve night. We always tried our hardest to cheer her up. Christmas morning (or midnight) was always so great. I was always sleepy and there was nothing better than crawling back into my warm bed after opening gifts and watching whatever movie I had just opened. Christmas dinner always came that evening, including my mother's amazing mashed potatoes (which I regretfully never asked her to teach me the recipe to).

While we were building our house, there was a year in which the three of us lived with my grandparents. I think I was in second or third grade. My grandparents didn't celebrate the holiday, so Mom and I had a miniature Christmas tree in the room we shared.

After my mom died in 2004, the Christmas season has been absolutely miserable for me. Having that awesome tradition yanked out from under me was just another way to make me sadder about losing her. Most years I had to work on Christmas Day, so I always found someone to get drunk with. I haven't had money to buy gifts for years. Like my mom, I did it anyway and just ended up broke and depressed. I knew that I would have a hard time with Christmas until I had a family of my own to start new traditions with, and I was right. I'm excited about Christmas again, and have been listening to Christmas music for months! I love my husband and little baby girl so much, and it makes me so happy to see three stockings hanging over the fireplace. Our Christmas tree is pretty badass too.

Live Show Checklist

Bands I've Seen Live
New Kids on the Block (Don't judge me.)
No Doubt
Goo Goo Dolls
Bush
Fleetwood Mac
Days of the New (5 times, met twice)
Jerry Cantrell (of Alice in Chains)
Metallica
Placebo
Stabbing Westward
Muse (2 times)
Foo Fighters
Red Hot Chili Peppers
U2
Cake
Incubus (3 times)
Fiona Apple
Coldplay
Steve Miller Band
Simon & Garfunkel (2 times)
Live (2 or 3 times, can't remember)
Edwin McCain
Ben Harper
Tori Amos
Tracy Bonham
Pearl Jam (2 times)
OAR
The Decemberists (2 times)
Citizen Cope

The Decemberists

Live Show Bucket List
Dave Matthews Band
Mumford & Sons
Damien Rice
Ray Lamontagne
Madonna
Adele
Florence + the Machine
Elton John
Death Cab For Cutie
Dolly Parton
Bobaflex
Billy Joel
Paul McCartney
Dropkick Murphys

Top 10 Action Movies

Action is by far my least favorite film genre (except for Anime, which makes me close my eyes and cover my ears until it goes away). However, Matthew and I had our first post-baby date today, and we had the pleasure of seeing almost three hours of this:

I didn't think it possible to make a better Bond film than "Casino Royale", but I was wrong! So. Motherfucking. Badass. I've only seen the Daniel Craig Bond films, and really have little desire to watch the previous ones, but I'm a big fan of the ones I've seen. I'm not going to write a full review of "Skyfall", because I don't want to spoil it for anyone, so I'll just say this: Only in a Bond film will you see Komodo Dragons used as weapons and a Caterpiller tearing through shit on top of a moving train:

Anyways, I thought I would share my list of Top 10 Action movies of all time:

10 - Rocky
I love the fact that Stallone was a nobody until he wrote and starred in this film.

9 - The Matrix
My very first mind-fuck.

8 - Batman Returns
I just thought Catwoman was so amazing as a child. I like all Batman movies, even the bad ones. But this one is my favorite.

7 - Con Air
Con Air is my favorite stupid action movie. Mostly because I love Malkovich so much.

6 - 300
I don't think this one needs an explanation.

5 - Casino Royale
Great movie all around, but my favorite because of two scenes: the crane chase sequence and the card table poisoning scene.

4 - Skyfall
I love everything about this movie.

3 - Inception
Not just one of my favorite action/sci-fi films, but probably in top 10 films of all time.

2 - Boondock Saints
Isn't this on everyone's list?

1 - The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Nothing gets my nerd juices flowing like LOTR.

30 and finally figuring it out

Here I am, perched on the first new piece of furniture I've ever purchased, with a modest yet perfect Christmas tree to my left, and my gorgeous new baby sleeping to my right. I'm creating my very first blog post, inspired both by the Death Cab For Cutie album "Plans" that plays in the background, and the newly found clarity that seemed to be injected into me on my thirtieth birthday. I'll be thirty-one this coming January, which means I have about eleven months of said clarity under my belt...almost an entire year.To say it has been the best year of my life would be the understatement of my lifetime.

 
Finding Matthew was the beginning of this "new leaf", and it seems we both knew that from the start. We got together January of 2011, and made it official a month later. He moved in with me in April; we were engaged that September and married a little over a month after that. That was our first year, during which we did quite a bit of exploring and adventuring. We decided soon after marrying that we wanted to have a baby immediately, despite the fact that neither of us wanted children prior to getting together. We got pregnant the first time we tried, and we brought Harper home from the hospital on our first wedding anniversary.

 
We moved quickly, but the only way to explain it is that suddenly things just made sense. Our friends thought we were crazy, and we lost more than a few. You really find out which of your friends are just drinking buddies when you get pregnant, trust me. With my thirtieth birthday came clarity, yes, but it also came with sobriety (My birthday is January 3rd, and I became pregnant on January 13th). Coincidence? I can't tell you how good it feels to remember every single day of (almost) an entire year. My anxiety and depression, my self loathing and guilt, all went away along with the partying.

Everything just fell into place for me. I could fill this entire post with cliches, and it wouldn't even approach describing it. My twenties were filled with a series of failed relationships, hundreds of hangovers, living paycheck to paycheck, twelve apartments, dozens of friendships that came and went, and the desperate pursuit of love and/or attention. I wish I could say I have no regrets but that would be a total fucking lie. BUT, it was fun...and without that decade of debauchery there would be none of this wonderful clarity I currently write about. And given the fact that my husband was married to my friend Sam during the majority of said decade, there would be no Matthew and Rhae Hoskins, and there would be no Harper Ann.

It just feels good, that's all.